I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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