This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
