my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
