just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize