Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize