Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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