She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
