she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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