I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
