Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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