She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
