Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
