i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
