I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
