Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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