i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
