You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I feel like abortions should bother me more
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
