Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
