Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Found the puke drawer
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
