This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize