They should really pass out barf bags in church
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
