I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
