Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
