At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize