never play flip cup with pint glasses
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
