I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
