he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
