I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
