I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
