you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize