Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
