All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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