someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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