I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
