if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
