No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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