I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
