I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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