This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
