Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
