You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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