I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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