This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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