I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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