I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
