i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I wish there were birth control emojis
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Everclear isn't food dammit
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
