sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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