I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize