Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
