If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
bring money and cleavage
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
