This dress was meant to end up on your floor
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
