I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
