I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
