just tell him i said nine months
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
