People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
