the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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