I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
