i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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