Got a toothbrush?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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