It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
