I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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