Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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