he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
