Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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