I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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