we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
