what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
