ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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