I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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