I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize