you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
