naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
