I bet he comes in French.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize