i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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