Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
