home. puking in laundry basket.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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