New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize