so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
