i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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