if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
