let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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