Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
