So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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