Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
