this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize