so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Come back. Shots need mouths.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
