ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
