I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
