I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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