Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
