I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
